Episode Quotes

Joyce: "I just don't understand what could drive a person to that kind of behavior."
Faith: "Well, how do you know she got drove? I mean, maybe she likes being that way."
Joyce: "I'll never believe that. I think she's horribly unhappy."
Faith: "Well, could be things are looking up. I mean, a little stint in the pokey, show her the error of her ways. I'm sure there's some big old Bertha just waiting to shower her ripe little self with affection."
Joyce: "Buffy!"

Faith: "Why, yes, I would be Buffy. May I help you? Buf-fy. You can't do that - it's wrong. You can't do that because it's naughty. Because it's wrong. Because it's wrong. You can't do that. It's wrong. I'll kick your ass. I'm gonna kill you."

Giles: "It's about Faith, not surprisingly."
Faith: "Didn't Joyce tell you? I already kicked that ass."
Xander: "I feel a high five coming on."
Willow: "Where is she?"
Faith: "On her way to the big house. Cops took her off my hands about an hour ago. Poetic justice."
Anya: "How's that?"
Faith: "Well, she did all those crimes, and now she's being arrested. I guess that's just regular justice."

Giles: "Watcher's Council. They uh sent a retrieval team to capture Faith."
Faith: "Well, yeah, I mean, 'cause it worked so well when Wesley tried it."
Giles: "This is a special operations unit. They, uh, handle the council's trickier jobs - smuggling, interrogation, wetworks."
Willow: "What's wetworks?"
Xander: "Scuba-type stuff."
Anya: "I thought it was murder."
Xander: "Well, yeah, but there could be underwater murder, with snorkels."

Xander: "We kind of have a romantic evening planned."
Anya: "We were gonna light a bunch of candles and have sex near them."
Faith: "Well, we certainly don't want to cut into that seven minutes."
Anya: "Hey."
Xander: "I believe that's my hey. Hey!"

Spike: "What, are you keeping tabs on me? You're gonna give me a hard time now?"
Faith: "Um, do I usually give you a hard time?"
Spike: "Very funny. Well, you don't have to worry about me drinking. Unless you're here to protect innocent beers."

Spike: "You know why I really hate you, Summers?"
Faith: "'Cause I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?"
Spike: "Well, yeah, that covers a lot of it."
Faith: "Cause I could do anything I want, and instead, I choose to pout and whine and feel the burden of slayerness? I mean, I could be rich, I could be famous, I could have anything. Anyone. Even you, Spike. I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne, and you'd beg me to hurt you just a little bit more. And you know why I don't? Because it's wrong."
Spike: "I get this chip out, you and me are gonna have a confrontation."
Faith: "Count on it."

Faith: "So you guys been hanging out a lot lately, huh?"
Tara: "Yeah. she's, um, she's really cool."
Faith: "So Willow's not driving stick anymore. Who would have thought? I guess you never really know someone until you've been inside their skin. And Oz is out of the picture? Oh, never seen two people so much in love. She just couldn't get enough of old Oz."
Tara: "She, um, said he, uh, uh, w-w-w-w-w-was..."
Faith: "He w-w-w-w-what? You gonna get that sentence out sometime tonight?"

Buffy: "Giles!"
Giles: "God!"
Buffy: "Don't move. Ok, Giles, you have to listen to me very carefully. I'm not Faith."
Giles: "Really?"
Buffy: "Really."
Giles: "Because the resemblance is striking."
Buffy: "I know. Giles, you just have to... Stop inching! You were inching."
Giles: "Look, I-I know what you're going to say, and-and uh-"
Buffy: "I'm Buffy."
Giles: "All right, I didn't know what you were going to say, but that doesn't make you any less crazy."

Giles: "Who's president?"
Buffy: "We're checking for Buffy, not a concussion."
Giles: "Oh, yes, Alright. um..."
Buffy: "Giles, you turned into a demon, and I knew it was you. I mean can't you just look in my eyes and be all intuitive?"
Giles: "How did I turn into a demon?"
Buffy: "Oh, cause, uh, Ethan Rayne. And-and you have a girlfriend named Olivia, and you haven't had a job since we blew up the school, which is valid lifestyle wise. I mean, it's not like you're a slacker type, but... Oh, oh! when I had psychic power, I heard my mom think that you were like a stevedore during sex. What? Do you want me to continue?"
Giles: "Actually, I beg you to stop."
Buffy: "What's a stevedore?"

Riley: "I don't understand. how could she have... I mean, how's it possible?"
Buffy: "Magic."
Riley: "There was something. I should've picked up on it. I should've just..."
Buffy: "You slept with her."
Riley: "I slept with you. Man, would I like to get my hands on her. Not in a sex way."
Buffy: "I don't think she's coming back."
Riley: "Guess she's had her fun."
Buffy: "Yeah. Fun."

--quotes taken from Much Ado About BtVS